I want us back
by ReKoJ
Summary: After all the dust settles, Curt has a dream.


I Want Us Back

Fandom: Velvet Goldmine

Pairing: Brian Slade/ Curt Wild

Sometimes when he was alone, and no one was around, Curt would get lost in his own head. It was at this time, he found himself thinking about Brian Slade. He kept trying to figure out where things had gone wrong, where they had drifted so far apart. They had gone from being lovers, to barely even knowing each other and having almost no hope of knowing where he was or not even recognizing him if he had seen him. It was tearing him apart and there was nothing that he could do about it.

Brian stood outside of the house that he knew that Curt lived in. He knew that after all the time that had passed, all the things that had been said and all the things that he'd done, there was no way of going back. He knew that Mandy had moved on. If he even attempted to talk to her she would just get mad and act hurt all over again, hurt by the things that he had done, what seemed like a lifetime ago. He knew that contact with Kurt was his last chance at any sort of peace. He took a deep breath, walked up to the door and knocked.

Curt had been inside, drinking coffee and watching the traffic outside the window. It may not be the most exciting thing to be doing, but it was the only thing that he had the attention span for at the moment. The knock at his door caused him to jump slightly. He rarely ever got visitors, when he had it had been Jack Fairy but eventually even he had stopped coming by. People knew that he was still in love with Slade and that no matter whom he dated or fucked that was going to be the only other person that he thought of. Either way, the knock on his door jolted him out of his thoughts, causing him to jump and almost spill his coffee all over his lap. "Fucking door," he muttered to himself as he got up and made his way to the front of the house.

Brian was just about to leave, figuring that either he had gotten the address wrong, or maybe Curt wasn't home. He knew that the most likely of scenarios was probably the most unpleasant. Curt had probably seen him, and despite what people had thought, he really hadn't changed that much over the years. He was still thin as ever. He had grown his hair back out and had let it go back to its natural red shade. When he had shown up at Curt's that day he hadn't even bothered with any make up. For once he was just Thomas Stone, he wasn't sure how he felt about that but after all the trouble that being Brian Slade had gotten him into he thought that perhaps this was best. He had one foot off the step when the front door opened.

Curt nearly slammed the door shut again when he recognized the man that was on his front step. If he was completely honest with himself, he reminded Curt of the way that Brian was when Curt had first caught a glimpse of him when they had been at the concert outside. The one where Brian had decided that the only way to do it was to wear a dress, he was beautiful. As Curt stared into those eyes again, he realized that Brian was still beautiful. Why was it that the beautiful ones were always the most cruel? He stretched out his hand, almost as if he was going to touch Thomas but just when his fingertips would have brushed the other man's skin, he let his hand drop back down to his side. "Brian?" His voice was shakier than he had intended it to be.

Thomas shook his head. "Brian died a decade ago. I am just Thomas now, or Tommy." Thomas just allowed himself to study his one-time lover. Over the last few years he had imagined this moment, all the things that he would say and all the things that Curt would say in return. Each version that played out in his head had a different ending but none of it had been like this. In the end, everything that they had been through could be summed up in one sentence. As he gazed into Curt's eyes and knew that if he didn't say it now he would lose his nerve and then nothing would be said. He stepped up, so that he was basically eye-to-eye with Curt. "Can we talk?" He bit his bottom lip, clearly nervous about the answer. He was absolutely terrified that Curt would say no, tell him to get lost and slam the door in his face.

Curt shrugged as coolly as he could manage. He was afraid of what Tommy would have to say but at the same time he knew that the sooner he got off of his chest whatever was bothering him, the better off he would be. "Sure, come on in." He stepped aside as Tommy finished climbing the stairs and entered his house. As they walked into the living room, Curt gestured towards the couch. "Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

Thomas almost refused, and then realized that if he didn't have the cup to hold he would not know what to do with his hands. Since he was sitting; it wasn't as if he could just shove them in his pockets and behind his back. "That sounds lovely. Thank you."

Curt didn't bother to ask him what he took in his coffee. He already knew that was unless he had changed that drastically, which Curt severely doubted. Also the way that Curt looked at it, if Thomas didn't like it he could always choose not to drink it. It was that simple. He walked back into the living room and handed one of the mugs to Stone. He knew that if the man had come all this way, he probably wouldn't need prompting when it came to telling him whatever it was that he thought that he had to say.

Thomas sipped the coffee it was strong and hot. It reminded him of when him and Curt used to make love. Whenever they made love, Curt would hold him as they rocked slowly together. And just before they would come, Curt would hold him so close that it would be impossible not to feel the heat from the body on top of him. Then he would stay inside him while they slept. It was warm and beautiful. Tommy smiled; he hadn't even realized how much he had missed that until just now. He held his cup in both hands, looking right into Curt's eyes. He wanted the other man to know that he was genuine and serious about what he was about to confess.

"First I want to say how sorry I am. I let too many things get in the way. I mean, what we had, most of the time I wished that I had never let that go. I should have realized that things were spiraling out of control and I should have put a stop to it. I know now that I had done the worst possible thing. I didn't fight for you when you left, like Mandy I had just let you walk out of my life. In hindsight, I know that the prank that I had done was in bad taste but I wanted out, needed out. I saw you at your concert, I had wanted to say something to you but at that time I had no idea what to say. I wasn't even sure if you would have talked to me, had I tried to talk to you. Secondly, I want to make sure that you are okay. I know that there are people out there that are warning you not to talk about me to anyone. Those people where set up by Shannon, they have nothing to do with me. They are just worried; they want to keep me safe. Aside from all that I just want you to know that I love you, I don't think that I ever stopped loving you. I think that it just took me awhile to figure that out. And finally, I came to say that I love you and that I want you back, I want us back."

Curt just stared at him. This was the man that had practically ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it. And yet here he was, looking lost, exposed and vulnerable. He had waited years for this and now that it had finally happened he wasn't sure what to say or do. He drank his coffee and cleared his throat. He knew that he was taking way too long to answer but at that point he wasn't even sure what he was going to say.

"It's not that I didn't love you, I did. It was just, back then, you were in love with the idea of me. You didn't want Curt Wild, the aspiring to be clean and sober guy. You wanted something that was unattainable. You had wanted me to be the image without any of the problems that went with it. When I had stormed out on you the way that I had, I had been tempted to go back. But I knew that there was just no way. I had known all along that once I had walked out that door that was it. I loved you. I still love you." That wasn't exactly what Curt had planned to say but that was what he had stuck with.

Tommy, on the other hand, had been stunned into silence. When he had bared his soul to Curt; not the one that he had created as Brian Slade or Maxwell Demon, but had stripped all that away and had been purely Thomas he was afraid what Curt would do. He'd been terrified that he would have taken it, ripped it shreds as though it were nothing and then had told him to get lost. But he had done the exact opposite; he had bared his own soul in return. And now Curt sat across from him, drinking from his mug, eyes slightly closed.

Both men were pondering the same question; Thomas was just the first one to voice it out loud. "So now what? Are we going to pretend that we don't know each other and part ways? Are we going to act as though we had never met and learn each other all over again? Or is it possible to pick where we left off?"

Curt put his mug on the table and closed the gap that had been between them. He was kneeling on the floor, watching Thomas. He was studying him, the long hair that he longed to run his fingers through, those eyes that were slightly wet as though he was so fragile that he would cry at any moment or his lips. He mentally groaned as he remembered the things that they had done to him and the noises that came out of them while he did things to their owner. Curt pulled himself up so that he was at eye level and pushed forward so that their lips brushed in the barest of kisses.

Thomas was unsure at first as to what Curt was doing, and then it became all too clear. As soon as Curt ended the kiss Tommy grabbed the back of Curt's neck and pulled him in for a longer, deeper kiss. Curt wrapped his arms around Tommy's thin frame and pulled him close as he let his mouth travel down the side of Tommy's face, down and neck and then back up the other side. For years he had been dreaming of this moment and there was no way in hell that he was going to let it just slip by. He leaned forward and picked Tommy up off the couch and started up the stairs.

Tommy allowed himself to be carried up the stairs, with his arms around Curt's neck. "Where are we going?"

As he walked the stairs he smiled. He knew that Thomas wasn't stupid but at the same time he couldn't blame the man for wanting to know exactly what Curt planned to do. There was no point in being surprised or getting embarrassed because it wasn't what you thought it was. "I am going to do what I should have done years ago." Tommy smiled into Curt's neck as they finished the climb up the stairs. When they got to the bedroom Curt laid him on his back on the bed and admired the way that he just seemed to naturally sprawl out on the bed. He wanted to kiss every inch of that gorgeous body.

"I want to make love to you." As he spoke he began to undress Thomas as if he was revealing a precious artifact. He didn't want to miss seeing a single inch of that beautiful body that he had once taken for granted. To Curt's dismay the beautiful man on his bed, shook his head.

"There will be plenty of time for that. Right now I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me into the mattress." As he spoke he watched Curt get undressed. He smiled as Curt laid his now naked frame on top of Stone's.

"Your funeral." He reached over Stone's head and grabbed the tube of lube that was in the nightstand drawer that was near his head. He poured a generous amount on to his fingers and began to gently stretch the man beneath him. As he curled his fingers he knew that he hit his hot spot because his whole body arched up, just as it used to all those years ago and he moaned behind tightly closed lips. "Are you ready?"

Thomas tried to speak but after a few failed attempts he just nodded. He watched as Curt put a condom on his penis, the fingers of other hand still busy slowly moving and out of his body. Curt smiled when Thomas whimpered as he stopped moving his fingers before removing his hand. "Take a deep breath." As soon as he felt the man breathe deeply, he entered him in one move so that he was all the way inside without giving him anytime to adjust. Curt supported himself on his arms as he withdrew from Tommy, almost completely before slamming back into the other man's heat. It wasn't long before he had started a maddening pace.

Tommy had wrapped his legs tightly around Curt's waist, almost as if he was trying to draw him in deeper. He had almost forgotten what sex with Curt was like. It was wonderful, even if it did hurt. The pain had always been apart of it; he had known what he was in for when he had told Curt that he wanted to be fucked into the mattress. Within minutes he was incapable of thought, he had been reduced to just being able to lie there and feel the heat, slickness and thickness of Curt being repeatedly rammed into him. He felt a pressure building up and knew that he was going to orgasm. He bit his lip as he waited, trying to hold on long enough for Curt to come as well. "Oh God, I'm gonna…Oh God, Oh God."

Tommy tightened around Curt as he came. That had been enough to send Curt over the edge as well. Curt slumped on top of the warm body that was beneath him, breathing in the scent of the other man and mentally marking to himself that there were certain things that we both Tommy and Brian. His after sex smell was one of those things. He gently pulled out, pulled the condom off throwing it in the trashcan that was beside the bed and wrapped his arms around the other man. It was perfect.

It was morning. Curt could tell that much, he had forgotten to close the blinds so the first thing to greet him was the sun lasering him in the eyes. He rolled over, hiding his face in one of his pillows while pulling the comforter over his head. As he lay there, making a mental list of all the things that he had to do that day that was when he remembered what had happened last night.

He sat up, the blanket that he had used to cover his head, pooling around his waist as he stared at the other side of the bed. The empty and cold other side. He got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom, there was no Tommy there either. He pissed in the toilet, flushed and washed his hands. He looked down at himself, realizing that he still had his pants on. He checked the house one room after the other and realized that he was alone. The front door was locked from the inside.

This was not the first time this sort of thing had happened. And Curt hated it. His dreams had always been so vivid, even as a child that he sometimes couldn't tell them from reality. He walked back into the bedroom; screw the list he was going to go back to bed. And for just one day he could have peace and quiet. If he was lucky he would dream again.

The End.


End file.
